As you are well aware, the above referenced loan is seriously overdue. We do not understand why you are ignoring our attempts to contact you in order to rectify your account. It is your responsibility to contact us to discuss any problems you may be having at this time.
Immediate arrangements must be made on your account to bring it current. We will expect to hear from you immediately upon receipt of this letter. You can reach me at 1-800-xxx-xxxx.
P.S. If your payment has been made and your account is up-to-date, please disregard this letter.
So I was kind of pissed when I read this. So I wrote this letter back, on the back of her letter. I'm debating about whether I should send it or not.
Dear Accounts Receivable Professional,
As you are well aware, our loan is one month overdue, which hardly qualifies as "seriously". As I'm sure you are not aware, the word "seriously" is a vague and overused adjective which is not even appropriately used in your letter. Although, I would expect a person with the name "Heather" to use this word with frequency and enthusiasm.
It is presumptuous and, in fact, incorrect to say that we have been ignoring your attempts to contact us.
Attempt #1 : You called us and told us you did not receive our payments. We told you that we sent the check and that it should arrive within days.
Attempt #2 : You called us and said our payment had still not arrived. We said we would send a new check, which we did.
The situation was well explained. It is not our fault that you don't understand, but the fault of your parents, your genetics and the second-rate accounts receivable training academy which you attended, Heather.
As graduates from a respected business school, we would like to bestow some knowledge on you, to supplement your insufficient education. A little customer service goes a long way, Heather. If you had accessed our payment history, you would see that this is the first time we have ever been late on a payment. If you had taken some notes while you were on the phone with us, you would have remembered the details of the situation. Perhaps it is time that you draft a new generic stock letter to send to clients. Your grammar and writing skills may benefit.
PS. If you have received our payment and our account is up-to-date, please suck it.
I called my husband to fume about the letter and apparently he never DID send the check. Not because we don't have the money, but because he is lazy. So, yeah, I won't be sending this letter, but damn it would feel good. Still though, I think the letter was pretty cold, especially since they KNEW what had happened and we had never been late before.