Oh, Baby.

I'm still alive. I had to take a little break from blogging because it was starting to feel like a chore and I don't ever want it to be a chore. Actually I was blogging like crazy, but it was for a client, so I was kind of burnt out on it.

But inspiration to blog has struck, as it usually does when I'm distressed.

Right now, I have a four year old boy who is pretending everything is a gun, a 2 year old girl who refuses to wear anything but a tutu and a beagle furiously humping a pillow. That's right, I'm babysitting my niece and nephew.

Babysitting gets increasingly harder the older they get. I liked it a lot better when one was immobile and the other could be corralled with a baby gate. True, they can now feed themselves and go to the potty (sometimes) and tell me what they need, but its still harder.

It seems like babies are physically harder to take care of because you're constantly making bottles, changing diapers, soothing, getting no sleep etc. Kids are mentally exhausting because they have so many questions, constantly want you to "watch this!" and you constantly have to referee when there are more than one.

I LOVE these kids and have been a big part of their lives since they were born. I have rocked them to sleep, taken them to the doctor when they were sick, helped them walk, witnessed first words and I am very attached to them. Plus, they are adorable! You just want to eat them up. But watching them for more than a few hours makes me wonder if I'll EVER be ready for kids. I want to want kids. I know I will have them some day. But I'm worried that I will never feel fully ready.

So I'm asking anyone who has kids (or anyone who doesn't!), how do you feel about this? Is it different when it's your own kids? Will I feel differently when it's my own? Will the alarm on my biological clock eventually go off, without me hitting the snooze button every time? I really hope so. When you had kids, did you feel totally ready? I'm so worried that I'll never feel completely ready, but I guess I'm still young and it could still happen.

(picture from flickr user therapycatguardian, creative commons)