Thursday, October 28, 2010

Rant/Anti-Bullying PSA

Just a word of warning, if you're ever planning on getting pregnant, planning on saying the word "baby" or planning on breathing ever  . . . don't go onto "The Bump" community boards. Please.

"The Bump" is a pregnancy and baby-related website that is the sister site of "The Nest", a website all about being homey and housewifey.  They are both related to "The Knot", the wedding site which most people have heard of.

I thought I'd check out The Bump for information about pregnancy etc., since I'm curious right now. That's when I found "The Boards" ::cue scary haunted house music::

I thought message boards were a place where people go to ask questions, get support and meet people going through similar situations.  Instead, it is a virtual "Mean Girls" that promotes online bullying, so that sad and discouraged women can take out their own insecurities on poor, defenseless posters.

There are a core group of women that sort of run the "Trying to Conceive" board, women that have been on this particular board for seven years or more, post at least once every three minutes, and sit at their cubicles with the window minimized, pretending to do work.  Or maybe they're sitting at home in their pajamas, not having enough self-respect to hide the fact that they are sitting on an online message board that has become their life for 24 hours a day. For every useful post they put up, there will be ten other posts that "flame" a poor person.  "Flaming" is when you directly insult someone for not knowing any better.  If you have not posted at least 30 times a day and have not been trying to get pregnant for 9 years, then you are considered a "newbie" which is the equivalent of a sorority pledge. Or garbage.  Be prepared to be hazed and humiliated.

For instance, a newbie will come in and post something like "Hey guys, I have a question. How do I know when I'm ovulating?" Her question will be met with a barrage of "flaming", telling her to get off the board, read a book, etc.  Many of the regulars will ask "where is your chart?" because if you do not use and chart your body temperature every day, along with every bodily sensation and weird fluid that seeps from your body, you're a waste of their time.

Similarly, if a "regular bumpie"(one who has logged at least 30 hours a day on the site) posts this:  "Hey all, I just wanted to let you know that my nipples are inverted and there is glowing green sludge coming out of my vajayjay" she will get a standing ovation and  comments like "omg I love you, you're my hero thats so exciting!"

The WORST offense that a newbie can commit is to announce her BFP on the board.  What is a BFP?  Go look it up on the TTC (trying to conceive) board glossary.  That's right, they speak in a different language so that people who don't have a printout of the glossary with them can't understand what they are saying.  Anyway a BFP is the ultimate goal, its a "big fat positive" pregnancy test. If a newbie posts "omg you guys, i got a bfp!" instead of "Congratulations, that's what we're all here for!", she'll basically get a chorus of bitter women "flaming" her and making her feel bad and guilty about getting pregnant.  Its almost like these hardcore "bumpies" think that their fertility is actually related to how often they post on the boards. Like, the more you post, the more likely it is that you'll get pregnant.

Just so you know, most of the women on these boards are supportive, friendly and informative.  There are just a select few that rule the roost and are WAY too into it.  And no, I was never personally "flamed", I never actually posted. I just learned this from observation.  And sadly, I keep going back to the boards just to hope to see one of these "newbies" flame back and tell these ladies where to stick their pee sticks.

Here's an example:
Note the sarcasm and snarkiness.

Here's a hint ladies, you're probably not getting pregnant, because your on the internet 24hrs/day.  Creeping online is not sexy. Go do your husband.


  1. That's why I don't go onto forums very much anymore. Too many people on their high horses making everyone else feel like crap.

  2. I could not agree more! boards are just as snarky and awful as ones were when I was getting married. I've found the SoulCysters boards to be the most welcoming.

  3. omg I know EXACTLY what you mean!

    I was briefly on The Knot boards when planning my wedding but wow - for being brides, a lot of them were sure bitchy! I decided to just stick with's forums since the women on that one were more friendly and helpful... unless of course you said or did something really stupid/outrageous.

    Anyways, we had a "scare" over a year ago and I knew it was too early to take a test but I thought I had some symptoms and typed out my situation on The Bump's forums, as I figured it might be more friendly than The Knot.

    Boy was I wrong! The majority of the responses I got (in what seemed like a matter of seconds) were very mean, laughing at my lack of using the proper "terms", some complaining they didn't even read my post saying it was too long because it was longer than a short paragraph, ridiculing me for using the term "preggo" and basically telling me I was stupid and didn't know what I was talking about and told me to go read TCOYF (which I had to look up as I had no clue what that acronym meant!). For every nice, decent or semi-helpful post I got there was like 5-10 mean ones.

    I did eventually get the TCOYF book - Taking Charge of Your Fertility book and skimmed through most of it in one night (it's like 500 pages, but only the first 200 you read as the rest is diagrams and charts and stuff to look at if you want). It was very helpful and I started charting by taking my temp every morning when the alarm clock went off (I got an app that tracks it on my phone too so I didn't even need to hop out of bed to put it on the computer right away). It helped us figure out my cycle and make it easy to figure out when my ovulation is and we conceived our 2nd cycle with me off the pill.

    I've been on the TCOYF forums since last spring and the women over there seem very helpful and friendly - only once have I seen people "gang up" on someone and it was on a regular poster who had quite the self centered attitude (apparently in one post she complained about shower guests buying stuff off the registry and in another she talked about her shower like it was just a gift grab to her and a bunch of other posts that made her look really selfish and in the last one the regulars finally started calling her out on it).

    I'd recommend checking that one out and maybe even look into charting, as it does seem to help!

  4. I remember that one!!!! I was so disgusted by people on it! I even commented... i just said congrats.