Decking the Halls

We got a real tree this year, actually went out and chopped it down ourselves. This feels like our first "grown up tree".  I also got some new ornaments (from Target, of course).  I love the antiquey mercury glass trend that they have caught onto. These giants aren't for the tree, they're up on the mantle. However, we did get a big pack of bulbs from target that are different shades of brown and subtle gold. Those coppery/brown icicles are from Walmart, who knew?  We still put up our little woodland creatures (my favorite). Oh, and the reindeer/deer (?) are from TJMaxx or Marshalls. Post links to your holiday decorating photos!

Monday

You would think that Mondays would be significantly more tolerable when you work from home and are your own boss. But it doesn't work that way. Not having someone breathing down my neck, telling me what to do only means that I have to breathe down my own neck.  And finding the motivation to motivate yourself when its 20 degrees outside and there is a perfectly cozy king size bed just in the next room, is excruciating.

I know that I have to dedicate 4 solid hours to one of my projects today, plus another hour for a different one. But I keep procrastinating. And now it's 11:15 and I still haven't done anything, so that just pushes back my day another hour.

We put up our FIRST REAL LIVE christmas tree yesterday and I love it.  Its all light gold, champagne-colored and sparkly chocolate brown bulbs with some woodland creatures mixed in. I plan on doing a post of pictures once I can fix some pics up in Photoshop.  One day we'll have a tree filled with tacky painted macaroni and awkward school photos, but for now I'm enjoying our pristine color-coordinated tree.

In other news, I hit rock bottom this morning. Yep, its back to dieting. Frank started a hard-core diet the other day and I told him that I was not totally mentally ready to join him. I still needed to hit my rock bottom.  Enter massive amounts of chinese food, mashed potatoes and binge drinking and now I'm ready to go. I weighed myself this morning and the number was 132.6. This is officially the most I have ever weighed. I swore to myself that I would never be over 129 lbs, except during pregnancy. FAIL. I know that 130 lbs is not a lot or fat, but its a lot for me. I am small-boned and have a small frame, so 130 lbs looks on me like 150 lbs might look on someone else. I just don't feel comfortable at this weight and I know that I'm not being healthy.

So I'm going to start with 14 days on phase 1 of the South Beach diet. I know, that was popular like five years ago. But it works. I did it once before and was able to lose a lot of weight. I'm hoping that losing a little in the beginning will help motivate me to keep that weight off. After phase 2, I'll just focus on eating healthier in general. More cooking at home, less eating out. Less drinking. Less 10 pm trips to the gas station for a treat. Did I say that out loud? My goal is to not be totally embarrassed in pictures and bathing suits. And to lose a cup size. And my double chin.

Rant/Anti-Bullying PSA

Just a word of warning, if you're ever planning on getting pregnant, planning on saying the word "baby" or planning on breathing ever  . . . don't go onto "The Bump" community boards. Please.

"The Bump" is a pregnancy and baby-related website that is the sister site of "The Nest", a website all about being homey and housewifey.  They are both related to "The Knot", the wedding site which most people have heard of.

I thought I'd check out The Bump for information about pregnancy etc., since I'm curious right now. That's when I found "The Boards" ::cue scary haunted house music::

I thought message boards were a place where people go to ask questions, get support and meet people going through similar situations.  Instead, it is a virtual "Mean Girls" that promotes online bullying, so that sad and discouraged women can take out their own insecurities on poor, defenseless posters.

There are a core group of women that sort of run the "Trying to Conceive" board, women that have been on this particular board for seven years or more, post at least once every three minutes, and sit at their cubicles with the window minimized, pretending to do work.  Or maybe they're sitting at home in their pajamas, not having enough self-respect to hide the fact that they are sitting on an online message board that has become their life for 24 hours a day. For every useful post they put up, there will be ten other posts that "flame" a poor person.  "Flaming" is when you directly insult someone for not knowing any better.  If you have not posted at least 30 times a day and have not been trying to get pregnant for 9 years, then you are considered a "newbie" which is the equivalent of a sorority pledge. Or garbage.  Be prepared to be hazed and humiliated.

For instance, a newbie will come in and post something like "Hey guys, I have a question. How do I know when I'm ovulating?" Her question will be met with a barrage of "flaming", telling her to get off the board, read a book, etc.  Many of the regulars will ask "where is your chart?" because if you do not use FertilityFriend.com and chart your body temperature every day, along with every bodily sensation and weird fluid that seeps from your body, you're a waste of their time.

Similarly, if a "regular bumpie"(one who has logged at least 30 hours a day on the site) posts this:  "Hey all, I just wanted to let you know that my nipples are inverted and there is glowing green sludge coming out of my vajayjay" she will get a standing ovation and  comments like "omg I love you, you're my hero thats so exciting!"

The WORST offense that a newbie can commit is to announce her BFP on the board.  What is a BFP?  Go look it up on the TTC (trying to conceive) board glossary.  That's right, they speak in a different language so that people who don't have a printout of the glossary with them can't understand what they are saying.  Anyway a BFP is the ultimate goal, its a "big fat positive" pregnancy test. If a newbie posts "omg you guys, i got a bfp!" instead of "Congratulations, that's what we're all here for!", she'll basically get a chorus of bitter women "flaming" her and making her feel bad and guilty about getting pregnant.  Its almost like these hardcore "bumpies" think that their fertility is actually related to how often they post on the boards. Like, the more you post, the more likely it is that you'll get pregnant.

Just so you know, most of the women on these boards are supportive, friendly and informative.  There are just a select few that rule the roost and are WAY too into it.  And no, I was never personally "flamed", I never actually posted. I just learned this from observation.  And sadly, I keep going back to the boards just to hope to see one of these "newbies" flame back and tell these ladies where to stick their pee sticks.

Here's an example: http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/44519022.aspx
Note the sarcasm and snarkiness.

Here's a hint ladies, you're probably not getting pregnant, because your on the internet 24hrs/day.  Creeping online is not sexy. Go do your husband.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

I have been waiting for the right moment to come back to blogging, with some kind of excuse why I haven't been on here in months and why you should believe that I won't do it again. But all I can chalk it up to is a summer vacation.  I'd like to say that I was doing yoga in the park and generally taking a break from screens and technology, but no, I was pretty much still in front of my laptop all summer, just doing other nonsense.

My main issue when it comes to blogging is lack of focus. I think that the best blogs are ones that stick with a theme and have a distinct style and voice. But sometimes I am struck with the desire to write in different styles. I think this comes from the types of blogs I read.  There are mainly two types:

1. The hilarious, hold nothing back blog with lots of fart jokes, silliness and ridiculous Paint illustrations:
     M.O.D.G.
     Hyperbole and a Half
     Maybe if you just relax

2.  Beautiful blogs that make the writer seem like all they do is bake apple pies, buy throw pillows and do crafts.  They focus on the domestic and family:
     Young House Love 
     Bower Power 
     The Pioneer Woman

Even as I'm listing these blogs, I can see that some of them cross over and fit both categories, so maybe I can too.  So now that means I have to decide whether to create a second blog for all the "pretty things" I like or try to meld it all into one. Thoughts? If anyone accidentally saw this on their google reader and said "who the F is this?"

One thing is for sure, I need a redesign.  The current look just doesn't work.
   

Nature, yo

I took these in my backyard and then had some fun in Photoshop. I'm still just messing around with my camera in the automatic mode, but i'm looking for a class to take that will make me do more manual stuff.

Oh, and there were also two big turkeys and a bunch of baby turkeys in my yard but the pics turned out terrible. I would really love a nice telephoto lens, hint hint husband. Without further ado . . .

My Invention

As a child, I was a pretty docile, painfully shy girl. Then after high school I magically transformed into the outgoing and silly person that I am. I still get shy sometimes, but my confidence has gotten much better. I credit my husband, new friends and basement kegs of Natural Light.

Sometimes, I still have trouble speaking my mind or letting someone know when I am upset. Behind the wheel of my car is NOT one of these places. I morph into a 250 lb man with a shaved head and an anchor tattooed on his thigh. I'm not an aggressive driver--I'm very courteous about letting people in front of me, waving to people who let me in, etc. But if someone tries to tailgate me, or God forbid, cut me off, I start to feel the anger rise up. 

When someone does something to offend me while driving, three things happen. First, I lay my entire body into the horn and give it all I have. Second, I use my choice hand gesture. Which is NOT the middle finger. No, that's overdone. It's lost its power.  Instead I just kind of flick my hand at them, as though I am just dismissing them.  I think it is infinitely more offensive.  Then the third step is to think of the meanest thing I can possibly say to them.  I rarely throw out the standard, "Learn how to drive a**hole!" No, I'm an English Major and a Professional Writer.  Those are cliche.  Instead, I think of the meanest possible thing that I could say to them.  I study them. I observe context clues, like bumper stickers, other passengers and clothing choice.  What could I say to this person that could totally defeat them, make them curl into a ball and want to die, leave them feeling insecure for the rest of the week. I take note of disproportionate facial features. Is their child tragically plain looking?  Bad dye job?  Hit them where it hurts.

Only, on one rare occasion have I actually said any of these things out loud. Some beastly woman almost backed her car into my parked car, I gave her a little warning beep before she hit me and she proceeded to start flipping on me. It was a perfect moment when the stars aligned and I thought up the perfect insult and timed it just right. But I only reserve those kind of comments for very special people.  I think I actually wrote about that in this blog before . . .

Anyway, when these situations occur, I always think about my invention.  I want to invent an electronic marquee that sits atop your car and broadcasts messages to fellow drivers:

I think I'm sitting on top of a gold mine. This may be the next Sham Wow.

Survey Says

Oh, I have been a sloppy blogger. I kind of fell off the wagon. I hope to get back into it so i'll ease back into blogging with something fun and easy, a survey!

1. The strangest thing I've ever eaten was ranch flavored crickets! My best friend bought them and made me try one, but I didn't swallow it so I guess that doesn't count.

2. My best friends are completely drama-free. After high school, I decided not to maintain friendships with people who were dramatic or too dependent.  People who are strong and independent make the best friends.

3. If I could live in a different era it would be the 70's! I would love to experience the hippy  lifestyle.  Almost Famous is one of my favorite movies

4. If you should only know one thing about me it should be that I am determined to live an extraordinary life

5. My favorite book of all time is There are just way too many to list, but I know my favorite childhood book was "Mandy" by Julie Andrews. I must have read that book a dozen times

6. The one beauty product I cannot live without is my bare minerals foundation

7. Blogging is something i do professionally, so its hard for me to take the time to do it personally. But i'm working on it!

8. If I could star in a movie with one actor/actress, it would be Robert Pattinson . . . don't judge me

9. One of the best feelings in the world is being in love!

10. My current obsession is roasted red pepper hummus

11. What's for dinner tonight ? grilled flank steak and fresh broccoli

12. The last thing I bought was  a loaf of bread

13. I am currently listening to no music, Bethenny Getting Married on tv

14. If I could have a home, totally paid for, totally furnished anywhere in the world, it would be I guess Pittsburgh, where I live now. But if I could have all of my family and friends move too, Sausalito!

15. The one thing I would change about myself  is my self-doubt

16. If you could go anywhere in the world in the next hour, where would you go? St. Bart's, watching the honeymoon episode of Bethenny getting Married and it looks amazing

17. The languages I would love to learn are Italian, so I can speak it when we go to Florence next year

18. My favorite quote is:

"All any man can do, is add his fragment to the whole. No man can be final, but he can record his progress. What he leaves is so much for others to use as stones to step on, or stones to avoid. After all, the goal is not making art, it is living a life. Those who live their lives will leave the stuff that is really art." - Robert Henri

19. I am most afraid of death of loved ones

20. My favorite colour is gray! I have to restrain myself from buying too much gray clothes

21. My dream job is the one I'm working at, a professional freelance writer

22. The one thing that brings a smile to my face instantaneously is babies and puppies!

23. The one word I use a lot is F*** and all its variations. . . i'm trying to tone it down, its so tacky

24. When I'm feeling blue I go shopping or eat something bad

25. What inspires me is nature, particularly water like the beach or a lake, other people's art, a good book

26. My favorite season is, summer because of all the traveling I do then, but weather-wise it would be spring. Fall would be my favorite if winter didn't come after it :(

27. My favorite dessert has to be I'm currently o-b-s-e-s-s-e-d with those self-serve frozen yogurt places. The tart yogurt that actually tastes like real yogurt. Load a bunch of fruit, chocolate and graham cracker crumbs on top and HEAVEN

28. How many tabs are open on your browser right now? 7, and thats pretty low for me.

29. What was the first thought that crossed your mind this morning when you looked in the mirror?  need to wash my hair

30. The best piece of advice I was ever given was Most of the stuff you worry about won't actually happen

31. If I had a millions dollars to give to one charity, I would give it to maybe the literacy council

32. If at first you don't succeed, your eventual success will be that much sweeter